Author Archives: Towers Counseling Services

ISO: Happiness

Posted on by under Change, Self Care, Therapy

iso-happiness2

In Search Of: Happiness. Have you ever heard someone say that they just want to be happy? Have you ever felt this way? Or maybe you are in search of: substitute another major life change or goal that you wanted to make for happiness. Let us take a closer look into the art of change and help you get a few steps closer towards accomplishing your goals.

What does “happiness” or your goal mean to you?

This is the first step: defining what your goal looks like to you. Be an investigative reporter and look into yourself. Investigate the Who, What, When, Where and Whys. Who can help? When does this need to be completed by? Why do you need to change? What specifically will you be doing differently? What will it sound like? What will you look like? Ask yourself these questions to make the image of your goal as defined and concrete as possible. That way you will have a clear idea of what you’re working towards!

What is in your way of accomplishing your goals?

The second step is identifying what is keeping you from that goal. What do you need to obtain your goal? Are you getting in your own way? Are you the one putting up walls or barriers? Sometimes self-doubt can be the biggest barrier of them all. Are you measuring yourself fairly? Sometimes we are comparing ourselves to others, when it is not very fair to compare our chapter 1 to their chapter 20.  By identifying what is keeping you from your goal, you will have a clear idea of what you’re working against! (P.S. – if you haven’t figured out, 66.66% of it is most likely you, your mindset, and barriers you have placed there, either real or imagined)

compare

What is your plan to meet your goal?

The third and most important step is to identifying a plan. How are you going to get what you need to address the barriers? How are you going to implement more of what you should be doing?  Often times, breaking down a task, especially one as big and abstract as “Happiness”, is essential. How can you break your task up into small manageable chunks? I’m talking baby steps here, folks! Just a small step that will take about 5-15 minutes of a time commitment each day.

Once you gain momentum, you can increase the time commitment towards your goal; however, be kind to yourself. When you are just starting on the journey to change, sometimes 5-15 minutes that is all the mental capacity we have left at the end of the day to devote towards a goal. Meet yourself where you are at and take it one step at a time.

Remember change and growth is a process.

Change will not happen overnight. If the drive and motivation to change is there, congratulations, you’ve already started on your journey and taken the first steps. Find ways to hold yourself accountable, be it a journal or a trusted friend.

It is important to note, some days making a change will come very easy. Other days, change will be slow, deliberate, and possibly taxing. Do not give up! The more you work towards it, the more you will get out of your investment of time, effort, and energy.

Lastly, never be afraid to ask for help. There are friends, family, or even professionals like therapists or counselors who are trained in helping you overcome your life struggles. There is no problem too big, or too small, to seek professional help. Seeking out help is an act of courage and recognizing that sometimes an unbiased third party may help give you the tools to become unstuck and offer new strategies to manage life’s struggles.

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

Looking for help in your journey towards Happiness? Hoping to enhance your life and your relationships? Call today for a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if I might be of further assistance in helping you become a happier, healthier you 980-349-8119

iso-happiness2

 

TOWERS COUNSELING SERVICES | 120 GREENWICH ROAD CHARLOTTE, NC 28211
PH: 980-349-8119

Taking Care of You

Posted on by under Family/ Parenting, Relationships, Self Care, Therapy

yoga_relaxation_selfcare

Taking Care of You

And Using Self Care with Intentionality

Every time you fly, you will hear the safety announcements and pay somewhat close attention.  But if the cabin was to lose pressure, would you remember what to do?

The airlines will tell you,

“If cabin pressure should change, panels above your seat will open, revealing oxygen masks; reach up and pull a mask towards you. Place it over your nose and mouth, and secure with the elastic band, that can be adjusted to ensure a snug fit. The plastic bag will not fully inflate, although oxygen is flowing. Secure your own mask first before helping others.”

Secure your own mask first before helping others. It may be tempting to put the mask on first for your son, daughter, or even helping your husband or wife, but do not do this. Do you know why this is? Because it is a known fact – you cannot help anyone else if you are unconscious due to lack of oxygen. That means before you help your loved ones, you must help yourself first. This improves the outcomes for everyone.

Relationships are very much like this. Taking care of yourself so that you can take care of others is essential. We juggle so many different roles and responsibilities these days. It is important that we remember to slow down, breath, and smell the roses every now and then.

Being present with our loved ones, be it our children, wives, husbands, friends, or other important people in our life, is what fills our relationships with the “good stuff”: Love, Laughter, Joy, and Memories.  But it is hard to be present if you are holding on to too much of that “other stuff”.

Taking only 5-10 minutes a day to do something for yourself is all that it takes to help your brain start packing up and shipping out “the other stuff”.

Five to ten minutes the day is the minimum amount of time, but feel free to spend more! There is no wrong way to practice self-care. Personalize it to you and your lifestyle. This is one of those investments that the more you put into it, the more you will get out of it.

Look for things that speak to your soul, things that offer comfort and joy. Oftentimes people find targeting their senses, sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches, offers great benefits. A walk in nature, sitting in silence, deep breathing exercises, savoring the taste of a special tea or coffee, cooking a special meal, reciting special prayer, calming music, giving yourself a manicure, a warm shower or bath; these are just a few of thousands of different things you can do for you!

Now, you probably are already saying that you do something for yourself, but you must be intentional with the use of your time for self care. Do you do it because it part of your morning or evening routine?  Then, while technically yes it is something for you, it is not intentional “self care”.

Intentional self care is making the choice to do sometime outside of your routine, for you, to better you. Sounds a bit selfish? Not at all; it is mandatory maintenance that your body, mind, and soul needs to be able to work properly.

So, I ask you… How will you practice intentional self care today?

Looking for ways to continue to enhance your life and relationships? In just a brief number of sessions, We can work towards building and enhancing your relationships and leading to a happier, healthier you. Call Today for a Free 15-minute phone consultation of how I can help 980-349-8119

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

yoga_relaxation_selfcare

TOWERS COUNSELING SERVICES| 120 GREENWICH ROAD CHARLOTTE, NC 28211
PH: 980-349-8119

 

Celebrating Love 365 Days of the Year

Posted on by under Relationships

celebrating-love-365-days-of-the-year

Love is in the Air! Happy Valentine’s Day! 

On this wonderful day, I want to share my hopes for you and your relationships.

I hope today you and your significant other celebrate your relationship and the journey you have been on together.

I hope today you both cherish the moment, cherish today. Take the opportunity to show your love, appreciation, and fondness with each other.

I hope you look back on your relationship today and remember good memories – first dates, special places, and events that have special shared meaning.

Remember that to keep your relationships strong, it takes work. Your relationships should be celebrated 365 days of the year, not just today! There are sweet things to do throughout the year to enhance and build upon the foundation of your relationship.

Author and public speaker on marriage, family, and relationships, Gary Chapman, demonstrates this in his work and making sure you and your partner are speaking the same “Love Language”. He separates qualities of love into 5 “Love Languages”: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Keep reading to learn more about Gary Chapman’s “Love Languages” and my suggestions on ways to implement and celebrate your love 365 days of the year.

Words of Affirmation:

Kind, encouraging words to and about the other person and their contributions to the relationship. It is important to be specific – while “I love you” is a strong, loving statement, “I love how considerate you are when you do ___” can be even stronger. Other ways to demonstrate Words of Affirmation, tell them what their contribution to the relationship means to you, tell them what characteristics they have that you admire, or tell them what they do well in the relationship (ex: “I love how you know the exact right moment to give me a hug when I am upset”).

It is important to be specific – while “I love you” is a strong, loving statement, “I love how considerate you are when you do ___” can be even stronger.

Quality Time:

A personal favorite! Spending uninterrupted time focusing on each other and making memories. No phones, no electronics, and no kids. (Family quality time should be spent too, but that is a topic for another article) Need some ideas?

Go on a Date Night: Go out somewhere special for dinner, or go out for drinks, coffee, or ice cream. If you’re not a “go out” type of people, that is okay too. Instead, cook dinner together. Plan for a special meal, go shopping together for ingredients, and enjoy the experience of cooking. Or unleash your inner child and order takeout, build a fort with pillows and blankets, and eat the takeout in the fort while joking and talking about “the good stuff”.

Outing to Somewhere Special and/or New: Search Groupon, Living Social, or other discount sites looking for a new event to try like a Zoo, Museums, an Amusement Park, a Festival, etc. Be a tourist in your own city. Afterwards, talk about the event as if a critic. Was it 3 out of 5 stars? What did you like? What didn’t you like?

Play A Board Game Together:  (Not monopoly, it’s the end all of relationships…well, okay, maybe a bit of an extreme reaction to it, but remember it is just a game. Don’t take it too seriously and have fun!) Bonus points if you play a cooperative game, like Pandemic or Flash Point, where you have to join together to save people or the world.

Have your partner teach you something new that they like and then vice versa.

Receiving Gifts:

A token to show your significant other that you were thinking of them. It doesn’t have to be of a great sum of money. Remember, it is the thought that counts.

“Gifts come in all sizes, colors, and shapes; some are expensive, and others are free… Gifts may be purchased, found, or made.” – Gary Chapman

Gift of self or of being present for major life events and crises is a gift in and of itself. Taking time away from work or other obligations for your partner means that they are a priority in your life.

Acts of Service:

Doing things for your significant other or with them in mind can be an act of love. These do not have to be major feats. There is no act of service too big or small. Again, remember it is the thought that counts.

For example, take their car to be filled up with gas and through a car wash when they don’t have the time to do it themselves. Have a meal ready and waiting when they get home after a particularly long shift at work. Maintain the house or do a chore they typically would do.

Physical Touch:

Physical Contact can be a powerful way to communicate love. A reassuring touch on the shoulder, holding hands, kisses, hugs, or even sexual intimacy can communicate our love and affection towards our significant other. It is important to communicate with your partner how you do and do not want to be touched and vice versa. Asking them specifically, “What is your favorite way for me to touch you?” can help shed light into what they need from you.

Getting to know your partner and their love languages is part of the journey.  Some people need only one or two of these to feel loved, others need all of them. Communication is vital, so ask your partner, “How can I best show you I love you?” If they don’t know, start experimenting with each other’s different love languages.

Try to show your love in new ways, talk about it, and make it a way to celebrate your love 365 days of the year!

Looking for ways to continue to enhance your relationship? Couple therapy is not just to resolve couple’s conflict. In just a brief number of sessions, Couples Counseling can help enhance an already strong relationships and re-energize your love and passion for one another. Interested in hearing more? Call today for a free 15-minute phone consultation of how I can help take your relationships to new heights. 980-349-8119

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

celebrating-love-365-days-of-the-year

Towers Counseling Services| 120 Greenwich Road Charlotte, NC 28211
Ph: 980-349-8119

 

Investing in You! Why? Because Your Worth It! (Part 2)

Posted on by under Therapy

got-your-back

What to Expect in Therapy

So you’ve made the big  decision to invest in yourself and explore therapy, but not sure what to actually expect in therapy?

In Part 2, I have included a brief idea of what to expect in your first appointment with me.

(Part 1 was about the benefits of investing in yourself by utilizing self-pay vs insurance.  Read that article here:  Investing in You! Part 1 )

First Session

First session is our most important session. This session, I learn how I can help you build stronger foundations.  You will be asked to fill out an intake form.  While it doesn’t teach me every thing there is to know about you, this form gives me just enough information to be able to work with you effectively and to understand important aspects of your life, concerns, and hopes for therapy.

In the first session, we will also discuss the logistics of therapy: scheduling, fees, payment, etc.  and sign any other required paperwork – this is the stuff that isn’t fun, but necessary for the professional relationship that we are entering.

*If discussed, Please have any pre-assigned paperwork that I have given you completed prior to attending first appointment.

How Does Therapy Work?

Therapy and Counseling are processes in which we work together in order to identify and work on the issues that you bring into our sessions. I utilize a collaborative approach between myself and my clients. To me, I believe this is an essential piece to the process as you are the expert in your life!

One of our first steps in this process is establishing what your goals for counseling are and creating a plan for treatment together. Through our work together, we will evaluate our progress and, if necessary, readdress our counseling plan, goals, and methods.

For this to be effective, it will require a commitment to therapy on both of our parts to work towards your identified goals. It requires your active involvement, willingness to change your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and openness to sometimes push yourself beyond your “comfort zone”.

How Long Does Therapy Take To Work?

Therapy is a process, and your understanding and appreciation of the therapeutic process is essential. Therapy does not work over night. There is no “magical pill” that fixes everything. There is no prescribed amount of time that it takes, as every person, situation and relationship is different. In general

Sometimes change will be relatively easy, other times changes maybe slow and deliberate. I will encourage you to stick and stay with the process, if there are concerns about the amount of time it is taking, process those feelings with me.

Who needs to attend?

It is up to you! While I am a Marriage and Family Therapist, it doesn’t mean that I am limited to only seeing couples and families. Engaging in your own personal growth therapy can be highly rewarding.

I will note that specific work towards Relationships/Couples/Premarital concerns, it is best completed with both individuals present; only one individual participating could lead to further dissatisfaction or dissolution of the relationship. Therapy may promote change in relationship patterns, which in turn may produce conflict and or unpredictable responses from others in your social systems. It is best we address any relationship concerns as a relationship!

Any other questions, please do not hesitate to ask me. I look forward to us working together and helping you reach newer heights of love and happiness in  your life.

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

If you still haven’t decided if I am the right fit for you, call today for a free 15 minute phone consultation.  980-349-8119

 

got-your-back

Towers Counseling Services| 120 Greenwich Road Charlotte, NC 28211
Ph: 980-349-8119

Recognizing Stress in our Family

Posted on by under Family/ Parenting

dad-daughter-bw

In today’s fast-paced society, pushed to multi-task life, there are many times when we become overwhelmed, frustrated, and less than our better selves.  I am guilty! There have been a few not-so-proud moments of letting my stress take form of some not-so-healthy (or helpful) behaviors in my lifetime. Truth be told, the majority of us are guilty of this, and so are our family members. We are human!

Being able to recognize and understand when we and our family members are stressed are important first steps. Being able to recognize and quickly intervene can help steer ourselves in a different direction and can have the biggest impact on stress reduction.

However, we often do not always recognize stress for what it is. Often times, we dismiss it as anger, bad behaviors/tantrums, sadness, or we minimize what we or others around us are going through and think that we can push through it. Here’s a secret: unless you are a robot, we all have a certain level of stress that we can manage. It’s called our Distress Tolerance Level. Your Mind, Body, and Soul functions can all start to shut down if you exceed your tolerance level for too long.

Signs of stress that we might easily overlook may include:

  • Your son/daughter having a full-blown tantrum in a middle of a store for no reason.
  • A loved one becoming detached, quiet, and very much unlike themselves.
  • Yourself feeling distracted, scattered, and forgetting things you normally would remember.

An easy way to prevent these system overloads is to “reboot” your system before you go into overload! Early intervention is key; here are a few early intervention strategies for your children, your loved ones, and even yourself!mother-and-son

For Your Children – Engage your children into activities with lowered external stimulation. Stimulants for children can be things that get them excited, when they are expected to perform at a certain level (i.e. school tests/ performances), pressure to do well or comply with directives, or do things outside of  their comfort zone. Examples of activities you can engage your children into can include: Taking a walk outside, reading, listening to comforting soothing music (remember soothing, not high energy, which could have the reversed effect of what your looking for).

For Your Loved Ones – Engage your partner in enjoying the current moment.  Take time to share a favorite meal together, watch a favorite movie, take time and enjoy doing a household chore, like doing the dishes or laundry together, or just spend some time chit-chatting reconnecting with them and what is going on in their lives. Be sure your loved one knows why you are doing what you are doing, and do not just go to them mid-task. Be on the same page with them of intent and purpose. Tell them, “I would like to spend some time together. Can I help you with… or lets do…” (Bonus: because both you and your loved one get the stress relieving benefits)

For Your Self – Self Love is one of the most effective holistic treatments of stress and anxiety! Take 5 minutes of your day, go to a mirror, and say kind things about yourself to yourself. For example: “I am Smart! I am Funny! I am Creative!” Or take time to think and reflect on an inspiring song, quote, or prayer that has meant something to you in your life. Or create a list of things that you are looking forward to in your near future!

There are so many ways to reboot your systems; get creative and make it personal to you and your family. One measure of if your intervention is working is if it makes you happy, laugh, or smile.

Also remember, we all have difference levels of distress tolerance. We all have times when we push our limits. Reach out and talk things over with a friend, family member, or seek out a professional for additional help and/or strategies.

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

Call today for a free 15 minute consultation and see if I am the right fit for your therapy needs!  980-349-8119

dad-daughter-bw

 

TOWERS COUNSELING SERVICES | 120 GREENWICH ROAD CHARLOTTE, NC 28211

PH: 980-349-8119