Tag Archives: Charlotte

Celebrating Love 365 Days of the Year

Posted on by under Relationships

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Love is in the Air! Happy Valentine’s Day! 

On this wonderful day, I want to share my hopes for you and your relationships.

I hope today you and your significant other celebrate your relationship and the journey you have been on together.

I hope today you both cherish the moment, cherish today. Take the opportunity to show your love, appreciation, and fondness with each other.

I hope you look back on your relationship today and remember good memories – first dates, special places, and events that have special shared meaning.

Remember that to keep your relationships strong, it takes work. Your relationships should be celebrated 365 days of the year, not just today! There are sweet things to do throughout the year to enhance and build upon the foundation of your relationship.

Author and public speaker on marriage, family, and relationships, Gary Chapman, demonstrates this in his work and making sure you and your partner are speaking the same “Love Language”. He separates qualities of love into 5 “Love Languages”: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Keep reading to learn more about Gary Chapman’s “Love Languages” and my suggestions on ways to implement and celebrate your love 365 days of the year.

Words of Affirmation:

Kind, encouraging words to and about the other person and their contributions to the relationship. It is important to be specific – while “I love you” is a strong, loving statement, “I love how considerate you are when you do ___” can be even stronger. Other ways to demonstrate Words of Affirmation, tell them what their contribution to the relationship means to you, tell them what characteristics they have that you admire, or tell them what they do well in the relationship (ex: “I love how you know the exact right moment to give me a hug when I am upset”).

It is important to be specific – while “I love you” is a strong, loving statement, “I love how considerate you are when you do ___” can be even stronger.

Quality Time:

A personal favorite! Spending uninterrupted time focusing on each other and making memories. No phones, no electronics, and no kids. (Family quality time should be spent too, but that is a topic for another article) Need some ideas?

Go on a Date Night: Go out somewhere special for dinner, or go out for drinks, coffee, or ice cream. If you’re not a “go out” type of people, that is okay too. Instead, cook dinner together. Plan for a special meal, go shopping together for ingredients, and enjoy the experience of cooking. Or unleash your inner child and order takeout, build a fort with pillows and blankets, and eat the takeout in the fort while joking and talking about “the good stuff”.

Outing to Somewhere Special and/or New: Search Groupon, Living Social, or other discount sites looking for a new event to try like a Zoo, Museums, an Amusement Park, a Festival, etc. Be a tourist in your own city. Afterwards, talk about the event as if a critic. Was it 3 out of 5 stars? What did you like? What didn’t you like?

Play A Board Game Together:  (Not monopoly, it’s the end all of relationships…well, okay, maybe a bit of an extreme reaction to it, but remember it is just a game. Don’t take it too seriously and have fun!) Bonus points if you play a cooperative game, like Pandemic or Flash Point, where you have to join together to save people or the world.

Have your partner teach you something new that they like and then vice versa.

Receiving Gifts:

A token to show your significant other that you were thinking of them. It doesn’t have to be of a great sum of money. Remember, it is the thought that counts.

“Gifts come in all sizes, colors, and shapes; some are expensive, and others are free… Gifts may be purchased, found, or made.” – Gary Chapman

Gift of self or of being present for major life events and crises is a gift in and of itself. Taking time away from work or other obligations for your partner means that they are a priority in your life.

Acts of Service:

Doing things for your significant other or with them in mind can be an act of love. These do not have to be major feats. There is no act of service too big or small. Again, remember it is the thought that counts.

For example, take their car to be filled up with gas and through a car wash when they don’t have the time to do it themselves. Have a meal ready and waiting when they get home after a particularly long shift at work. Maintain the house or do a chore they typically would do.

Physical Touch:

Physical Contact can be a powerful way to communicate love. A reassuring touch on the shoulder, holding hands, kisses, hugs, or even sexual intimacy can communicate our love and affection towards our significant other. It is important to communicate with your partner how you do and do not want to be touched and vice versa. Asking them specifically, “What is your favorite way for me to touch you?” can help shed light into what they need from you.

Getting to know your partner and their love languages is part of the journey.  Some people need only one or two of these to feel loved, others need all of them. Communication is vital, so ask your partner, “How can I best show you I love you?” If they don’t know, start experimenting with each other’s different love languages.

Try to show your love in new ways, talk about it, and make it a way to celebrate your love 365 days of the year!

Looking for ways to continue to enhance your relationship? Couple therapy is not just to resolve couple’s conflict. In just a brief number of sessions, Couples Counseling can help enhance an already strong relationships and re-energize your love and passion for one another. Interested in hearing more? Call today for a free 15-minute phone consultation of how I can help take your relationships to new heights. 980-349-8119

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

celebrating-love-365-days-of-the-year

Towers Counseling Services| 120 Greenwich Road Charlotte, NC 28211
Ph: 980-349-8119

 

Investing in You! Why? Because Your Worth It! (Part 2)

Posted on by under Therapy

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What to Expect in Therapy

So you’ve made the big  decision to invest in yourself and explore therapy, but not sure what to actually expect in therapy?

In Part 2, I have included a brief idea of what to expect in your first appointment with me.

(Part 1 was about the benefits of investing in yourself by utilizing self-pay vs insurance.  Read that article here:  Investing in You! Part 1 )

First Session

First session is our most important session. This session, I learn how I can help you build stronger foundations.  You will be asked to fill out an intake form.  While it doesn’t teach me every thing there is to know about you, this form gives me just enough information to be able to work with you effectively and to understand important aspects of your life, concerns, and hopes for therapy.

In the first session, we will also discuss the logistics of therapy: scheduling, fees, payment, etc.  and sign any other required paperwork – this is the stuff that isn’t fun, but necessary for the professional relationship that we are entering.

*If discussed, Please have any pre-assigned paperwork that I have given you completed prior to attending first appointment.

How Does Therapy Work?

Therapy and Counseling are processes in which we work together in order to identify and work on the issues that you bring into our sessions. I utilize a collaborative approach between myself and my clients. To me, I believe this is an essential piece to the process as you are the expert in your life!

One of our first steps in this process is establishing what your goals for counseling are and creating a plan for treatment together. Through our work together, we will evaluate our progress and, if necessary, readdress our counseling plan, goals, and methods.

For this to be effective, it will require a commitment to therapy on both of our parts to work towards your identified goals. It requires your active involvement, willingness to change your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and openness to sometimes push yourself beyond your “comfort zone”.

How Long Does Therapy Take To Work?

Therapy is a process, and your understanding and appreciation of the therapeutic process is essential. Therapy does not work over night. There is no “magical pill” that fixes everything. There is no prescribed amount of time that it takes, as every person, situation and relationship is different. In general

Sometimes change will be relatively easy, other times changes maybe slow and deliberate. I will encourage you to stick and stay with the process, if there are concerns about the amount of time it is taking, process those feelings with me.

Who needs to attend?

It is up to you! While I am a Marriage and Family Therapist, it doesn’t mean that I am limited to only seeing couples and families. Engaging in your own personal growth therapy can be highly rewarding.

I will note that specific work towards Relationships/Couples/Premarital concerns, it is best completed with both individuals present; only one individual participating could lead to further dissatisfaction or dissolution of the relationship. Therapy may promote change in relationship patterns, which in turn may produce conflict and or unpredictable responses from others in your social systems. It is best we address any relationship concerns as a relationship!

Any other questions, please do not hesitate to ask me. I look forward to us working together and helping you reach newer heights of love and happiness in  your life.

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

If you still haven’t decided if I am the right fit for you, call today for a free 15 minute phone consultation.  980-349-8119

 

got-your-back

Towers Counseling Services| 120 Greenwich Road Charlotte, NC 28211
Ph: 980-349-8119

Recognizing Stress in our Family

Posted on by under Family/ Parenting

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In today’s fast-paced society, pushed to multi-task life, there are many times when we become overwhelmed, frustrated, and less than our better selves.  I am guilty! There have been a few not-so-proud moments of letting my stress take form of some not-so-healthy (or helpful) behaviors in my lifetime. Truth be told, the majority of us are guilty of this, and so are our family members. We are human!

Being able to recognize and understand when we and our family members are stressed are important first steps. Being able to recognize and quickly intervene can help steer ourselves in a different direction and can have the biggest impact on stress reduction.

However, we often do not always recognize stress for what it is. Often times, we dismiss it as anger, bad behaviors/tantrums, sadness, or we minimize what we or others around us are going through and think that we can push through it. Here’s a secret: unless you are a robot, we all have a certain level of stress that we can manage. It’s called our Distress Tolerance Level. Your Mind, Body, and Soul functions can all start to shut down if you exceed your tolerance level for too long.

Signs of stress that we might easily overlook may include:

  • Your son/daughter having a full-blown tantrum in a middle of a store for no reason.
  • A loved one becoming detached, quiet, and very much unlike themselves.
  • Yourself feeling distracted, scattered, and forgetting things you normally would remember.

An easy way to prevent these system overloads is to “reboot” your system before you go into overload! Early intervention is key; here are a few early intervention strategies for your children, your loved ones, and even yourself!mother-and-son

For Your Children – Engage your children into activities with lowered external stimulation. Stimulants for children can be things that get them excited, when they are expected to perform at a certain level (i.e. school tests/ performances), pressure to do well or comply with directives, or do things outside of  their comfort zone. Examples of activities you can engage your children into can include: Taking a walk outside, reading, listening to comforting soothing music (remember soothing, not high energy, which could have the reversed effect of what your looking for).

For Your Loved Ones – Engage your partner in enjoying the current moment.  Take time to share a favorite meal together, watch a favorite movie, take time and enjoy doing a household chore, like doing the dishes or laundry together, or just spend some time chit-chatting reconnecting with them and what is going on in their lives. Be sure your loved one knows why you are doing what you are doing, and do not just go to them mid-task. Be on the same page with them of intent and purpose. Tell them, “I would like to spend some time together. Can I help you with… or lets do…” (Bonus: because both you and your loved one get the stress relieving benefits)

For Your Self – Self Love is one of the most effective holistic treatments of stress and anxiety! Take 5 minutes of your day, go to a mirror, and say kind things about yourself to yourself. For example: “I am Smart! I am Funny! I am Creative!” Or take time to think and reflect on an inspiring song, quote, or prayer that has meant something to you in your life. Or create a list of things that you are looking forward to in your near future!

There are so many ways to reboot your systems; get creative and make it personal to you and your family. One measure of if your intervention is working is if it makes you happy, laugh, or smile.

Also remember, we all have difference levels of distress tolerance. We all have times when we push our limits. Reach out and talk things over with a friend, family member, or seek out a professional for additional help and/or strategies.

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

Call today for a free 15 minute consultation and see if I am the right fit for your therapy needs!  980-349-8119

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TOWERS COUNSELING SERVICES | 120 GREENWICH ROAD CHARLOTTE, NC 28211

PH: 980-349-8119

Investing in You! Why? Because You’re Worth It!

Posted on by under Therapy

meditation

Investing in You!  Why?  Because You’re Worth It!

It is often a hard decision first and foremost to seek help. When your finally ready to make that big step you start the process. You seek out a therapist, you ask around, maybe even do a little research. Finally you find someone you think is going to work well for you and your needs/personality/ etc. and then as you are about to book an appointment you learn, they don’t accept your insurance and to see them you will have to do private pay.

You are all about ready to pump the brakes and go another route. But wait!! Consider a few things.  Many therapists these days are moving towards private pay agreements. Co-pays and deductibles are rising every day, or at least it seems!  Also, consider that not everyone’s plan covers mental health. What happens if you are of the many?

There are many benefits to private pay, as opposed to using insurance, such as:

  • You’re not limited to who is “In Network”.

You chose your therapist!

  • You’re not restricted by length or number of sessions covered.

You decide how often! You decide how long!

  • You’re not restricted to individual sessions. Insurances, for the most part, will not cover Premarital/ Couples/ or Family therapy.

You decide who needs to be involved for change to be made!

  • You’re not required to be given a mental health diagnosis for reimbursement.

You have more control of your private health information. Your services are entirely private. You decide if it needs to be release. Your information is entirely confidential. Nothing “goes on your record.”

  • Private Pay rates can be less than some specialist/mental health co-pays!

This doesn’t fit everyone’s need or lifestyle. But many therapists today are mindful of this and offering sliding scales. You’re worth investing in and the relationships in your life are worth investing in for a brighter future!

Please let me know if your interested in services, but your current financial situation would make it difficult for you to afford my standard fee. We can talk about possible alternatives. Reduced or sliding fee schedule is available on a case-by-case basis.

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

Call today for a free 15 minute consultation and see if I am the right fit for your therapy needs!  980-349-8119

meditation

 

 

TOWERS COUNSELING SERVICES | 120 GREENWICH ROAD CHARLOTTE, NC 28211

PH: 980-349-8119