Tag Archives: Stress

Hello World! Its Me!

Posted on by under Young Adults

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Hello World! It Me!  

You checked off all the right boxes: you graduated high school, when to a good college, and then what? What if the interviews didn’t go as planned? What happens if life doesn’t go as you planned? Young adults more often are struggling with making their mark in the world. Some are struggling to launch, others are not sure they are even on the right path.

It is said, nothing worth doing is easy. No one ever told you that life was going to be easy.interview Though, if you think about it, not many people told you that it was going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Nevertheless, I think it is safe to say, that LIFE is somewhere in between the two. 

Life has it ebbs and flow of struggles, but it also has ebbs and flow of joy, happiness, and positive experiences. Growing up is hard to do. For many, it takes a long period of time to find our “true self” and to be comfortable in our own skins. That is okay! It is the path, the journey, what makes us who we are.

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

Oftentimes people get hung up on expectations of themselves. This is seen most frequently in young adulthood. Where teens are turning into adults and expected to be adults and “productive members of society”. They are expected to get jobs, move out of the house, make good decisions, and be financially stable. However, what you do not see is that the average college graduate is 22 years old. At 22 years old, their brains are still developing.

Our brains do not typically reach full maturity until around 25 years old. Our prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part, is still developing. This area is responsible for decision making. Does this mean that making good decisions are impossible? Absolutely not! There are many who are successful, but the point is it takes work. High expectations of success can be a wonderful driving force, but there needs to be a balance.

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and             beginning the work of becoming yourself”
– Anna Quindlen

Self-Compassion can go very far during this time period and help you manage what can be a very stressful time. Self-Compassion is a multifaceted idea that starts with acknowledging where you are at. It means doing an honest critique, looking at both positives and negatives, and not being overly critical of yourself. Self-Compassion is being supportive and understanding of yourself, recognizing you are doing the best you can in the given situation. Lastly, self compassion is recognizing you are human; we make mistakes, and we all experience struggles in life.

Self-Compassion builds resilience, or the ability to bounce back, helping you face and overcome future challenges. Brené Brown speaks to “Cultivating Self-Compassion” in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection. She speaks to the “difference between healthy striving and perfectionism”. Healthy striving helps; perfectionism hinders and is often the path to “depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis (or opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect).”

No matter your age, recognize that while you may think you are “behind in the game” or “in the struggle to just get by”, you are exactly right where you need to be at that moment. You are doing the best you can, and you will figure it out if you have the will/motivation to. But right now, you have something to learn and something to grow from where you are, no matter what is going on in your life.

It may often feel like we are stumbling our way through the motions at this age, hoping no one notices our trips and falls. I will let young adults in on a secret; there are many adults, guaranteed some older than you, who are still learning the steps too. As long as you are physically safe and breathing, there really is no wrong way of being.

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

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Struggling with life’s journey and transitions? Hoping to enhance your life and your relationships? Call today for a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if I might be of further assistance in helping you become a happier, healthier you 980-349-8119

 

TOWERS COUNSELING SERVICES| 120 GREENWICH ROAD CHARLOTTE, NC 28211

PH: 980-349-8119

Taking Care of You

Posted on by under Family/ Parenting, Relationships, Self Care, Therapy

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Taking Care of You

And Using Self Care with Intentionality

Every time you fly, you will hear the safety announcements and pay somewhat close attention.  But if the cabin was to lose pressure, would you remember what to do?

The airlines will tell you,

“If cabin pressure should change, panels above your seat will open, revealing oxygen masks; reach up and pull a mask towards you. Place it over your nose and mouth, and secure with the elastic band, that can be adjusted to ensure a snug fit. The plastic bag will not fully inflate, although oxygen is flowing. Secure your own mask first before helping others.”

Secure your own mask first before helping others. It may be tempting to put the mask on first for your son, daughter, or even helping your husband or wife, but do not do this. Do you know why this is? Because it is a known fact – you cannot help anyone else if you are unconscious due to lack of oxygen. That means before you help your loved ones, you must help yourself first. This improves the outcomes for everyone.

Relationships are very much like this. Taking care of yourself so that you can take care of others is essential. We juggle so many different roles and responsibilities these days. It is important that we remember to slow down, breath, and smell the roses every now and then.

Being present with our loved ones, be it our children, wives, husbands, friends, or other important people in our life, is what fills our relationships with the “good stuff”: Love, Laughter, Joy, and Memories.  But it is hard to be present if you are holding on to too much of that “other stuff”.

Taking only 5-10 minutes a day to do something for yourself is all that it takes to help your brain start packing up and shipping out “the other stuff”.

Five to ten minutes the day is the minimum amount of time, but feel free to spend more! There is no wrong way to practice self-care. Personalize it to you and your lifestyle. This is one of those investments that the more you put into it, the more you will get out of it.

Look for things that speak to your soul, things that offer comfort and joy. Oftentimes people find targeting their senses, sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches, offers great benefits. A walk in nature, sitting in silence, deep breathing exercises, savoring the taste of a special tea or coffee, cooking a special meal, reciting special prayer, calming music, giving yourself a manicure, a warm shower or bath; these are just a few of thousands of different things you can do for you!

Now, you probably are already saying that you do something for yourself, but you must be intentional with the use of your time for self care. Do you do it because it part of your morning or evening routine?  Then, while technically yes it is something for you, it is not intentional “self care”.

Intentional self care is making the choice to do sometime outside of your routine, for you, to better you. Sounds a bit selfish? Not at all; it is mandatory maintenance that your body, mind, and soul needs to be able to work properly.

So, I ask you… How will you practice intentional self care today?

Looking for ways to continue to enhance your life and relationships? In just a brief number of sessions, We can work towards building and enhancing your relationships and leading to a happier, healthier you. Call Today for a Free 15-minute phone consultation of how I can help 980-349-8119

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

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TOWERS COUNSELING SERVICES| 120 GREENWICH ROAD CHARLOTTE, NC 28211
PH: 980-349-8119

 

Recognizing Stress in our Family

Posted on by under Family/ Parenting

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In today’s fast-paced society, pushed to multi-task life, there are many times when we become overwhelmed, frustrated, and less than our better selves.  I am guilty! There have been a few not-so-proud moments of letting my stress take form of some not-so-healthy (or helpful) behaviors in my lifetime. Truth be told, the majority of us are guilty of this, and so are our family members. We are human!

Being able to recognize and understand when we and our family members are stressed are important first steps. Being able to recognize and quickly intervene can help steer ourselves in a different direction and can have the biggest impact on stress reduction.

However, we often do not always recognize stress for what it is. Often times, we dismiss it as anger, bad behaviors/tantrums, sadness, or we minimize what we or others around us are going through and think that we can push through it. Here’s a secret: unless you are a robot, we all have a certain level of stress that we can manage. It’s called our Distress Tolerance Level. Your Mind, Body, and Soul functions can all start to shut down if you exceed your tolerance level for too long.

Signs of stress that we might easily overlook may include:

  • Your son/daughter having a full-blown tantrum in a middle of a store for no reason.
  • A loved one becoming detached, quiet, and very much unlike themselves.
  • Yourself feeling distracted, scattered, and forgetting things you normally would remember.

An easy way to prevent these system overloads is to “reboot” your system before you go into overload! Early intervention is key; here are a few early intervention strategies for your children, your loved ones, and even yourself!mother-and-son

For Your Children – Engage your children into activities with lowered external stimulation. Stimulants for children can be things that get them excited, when they are expected to perform at a certain level (i.e. school tests/ performances), pressure to do well or comply with directives, or do things outside of  their comfort zone. Examples of activities you can engage your children into can include: Taking a walk outside, reading, listening to comforting soothing music (remember soothing, not high energy, which could have the reversed effect of what your looking for).

For Your Loved Ones – Engage your partner in enjoying the current moment.  Take time to share a favorite meal together, watch a favorite movie, take time and enjoy doing a household chore, like doing the dishes or laundry together, or just spend some time chit-chatting reconnecting with them and what is going on in their lives. Be sure your loved one knows why you are doing what you are doing, and do not just go to them mid-task. Be on the same page with them of intent and purpose. Tell them, “I would like to spend some time together. Can I help you with… or lets do…” (Bonus: because both you and your loved one get the stress relieving benefits)

For Your Self – Self Love is one of the most effective holistic treatments of stress and anxiety! Take 5 minutes of your day, go to a mirror, and say kind things about yourself to yourself. For example: “I am Smart! I am Funny! I am Creative!” Or take time to think and reflect on an inspiring song, quote, or prayer that has meant something to you in your life. Or create a list of things that you are looking forward to in your near future!

There are so many ways to reboot your systems; get creative and make it personal to you and your family. One measure of if your intervention is working is if it makes you happy, laugh, or smile.

Also remember, we all have difference levels of distress tolerance. We all have times when we push our limits. Reach out and talk things over with a friend, family member, or seek out a professional for additional help and/or strategies.

Best Wishes,

Lori Torres, LMFT

Call today for a free 15 minute consultation and see if I am the right fit for your therapy needs!  980-349-8119

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TOWERS COUNSELING SERVICES | 120 GREENWICH ROAD CHARLOTTE, NC 28211

PH: 980-349-8119