Hello World! It Me!
You checked off all the right boxes: you graduated high school, when to a good college, and then what? What if the interviews didn’t go as planned? What happens if life doesn’t go as you planned? Young adults more often are struggling with making their mark in the world. Some are struggling to launch, others are not sure they are even on the right path.
It is said, nothing worth doing is easy. No one ever told you that life was going to be easy.
Though, if you think about it, not many people told you that it was going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Nevertheless, I think it is safe to say, that LIFE is somewhere in between the two.
Life has it ebbs and flow of struggles, but it also has ebbs and flow of joy, happiness, and positive experiences. Growing up is hard to do. For many, it takes a long period of time to find our “true self” and to be comfortable in our own skins. That is okay! It is the path, the journey, what makes us who we are.
“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
Oftentimes people get hung up on expectations of themselves. This is seen most frequently in young adulthood. Where teens are turning into adults and expected to be adults and “productive members of society”. They are expected to get jobs, move out of the house, make good decisions, and be financially stable. However, what you do not see is that the average college graduate is 22 years old. At 22 years old, their brains are still developing.
Our brains do not typically reach full maturity until around 25 years old. Our prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part, is still developing. This area is responsible for decision making. Does this mean that making good decisions are impossible? Absolutely not! There are many who are successful, but the point is it takes work. High expectations of success can be a wonderful driving force, but there needs to be a balance.
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself”
– Anna Quindlen
Self-Compassion can go very far during this time period and help you manage what can be a very stressful time. Self-Compassion is a multifaceted idea that starts with acknowledging where you are at. It means doing an honest critique, looking at both positives and negatives, and not being overly critical of yourself. Self-Compassion is being supportive and understanding of yourself, recognizing you are doing the best you can in the given situation. Lastly, self compassion is recognizing you are human; we make mistakes, and we all experience struggles in life.
Self-Compassion builds resilience, or the ability to bounce back, helping you face and overcome future challenges. Brené Brown speaks to “Cultivating Self-Compassion” in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection. She speaks to the “difference between healthy striving and perfectionism”. Healthy striving helps; perfectionism hinders and is often the path to “depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis (or opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect).”
No matter your age, recognize that while you may think you are “behind in the game” or “in the struggle to just get by”, you are exactly right where you need to be at that moment. You are doing the best you can, and you will figure it out if you have the will/motivation to. But right now, you have something to learn and something to grow from where you are, no matter what is going on in your life.
It may often feel like we are stumbling our way through the motions at this age, hoping no one notices our trips and falls. I will let young adults in on a secret; there are many adults, guaranteed some older than you, who are still learning the steps too. As long as you are physically safe and breathing, there really is no wrong way of being.
Best Wishes,
Lori Torres, LMFT
Struggling with life’s journey and transitions? Hoping to enhance your life and your relationships? Call today for a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if I might be of further assistance in helping you become a happier, healthier you 980-349-8119
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